13 February 2000

Dear Tirra,

Call me again to see the sunlight.

Bring me to the kitchen to prepare the meal.

Oh, Tirra, be my guide and show me the way. I am so forgetful.

19 December 1998

Dear Tirra,

Help me find acceptance. I try again and again to refresh my acceptance of life as it it.
I wish to see, truly, what is before me and to accept it for what it is.

This is a large work. The work of a lifetime.

Show me what is before me. Help me to accept it ... open to it ... embrace it. Help me find a large place within me where I can carry it lightly. Help me to find this place often and often again.

Share this journey.
You, who are as close as musk, heart of my heart.
Weave this perfection with me.

23 October 1998

Dear Tirra,

Dancing Mother.
Your energy wakes the sun each day,
turns the earth on its axis,
brings wind and rain
and burns in me.

10 October 1998

Dear Tirra,

Here, now, come close and be my comfort.
Bring your wide acceptance to ease my aching loss.
Stand close at my back all day today, lending me your quiet strength.
Help me put aside useless thoughts. Help me breathe each breath.
Ease this tightness in my throat.
Help me bear this vulnerability.

Let me hope that trust will live in me again.

20 August 1998

Dear Tirra,

Won't you come and be my companion once more? See how I keep a place by my side ready for you? I am kinder and stronger when you are with me. Let me make you welcome once more.

8 August 1998

Dear Tirra,

Remind me that the stars still shine, the wind still blows. Remind me that mothers still care, that children still play.

Lead me to my own reservoir of hope.

Take me to each tiny action of mine, each step, each breath, each turn of the head; and inform them with your grace.

Teach me how to live a life with no regrets or apologies.

Work in me, make me your field, nourish me and watch over me, that I may flourish abundantly in your grace.

23 July 1998

Dear Tirra,

Oh, how the sultry air of this flat land weighs on me. These dusty plains where bustling crowds pursue their importantly myopic goals, leave me gasping for air. The crowding colour and noise press close around me. There is no distance to look into and the thick, humid air obscures the horizon.

Here, I attend to what is in front of me, meeting each moment with tired confidence.

Oh, busy days. I accept their necessity, but my mind's eye recalls to me the clear, crisp air of the high mountains -- the vast stillness of long distances where fold after fold of mountain haze into the softly pure sky.

Mind's eye, keep this vision. Sustain me in the crowded bustle of deadlines. Help me endure till I can walk, once again, in the high country where my heart breaks open and life lives me.

13 July 1998

Dear Tirra,

Dance for me. Let your bare feet pattern the dirt of the courtyard and send dust motes floating through shafts of sunlight. Speak to me with the turn of your head, arch of your back, angle of your wrist, and make my heart sing.

Here in these windowless walls, I dream of your coloured skirts flaring in the hot sunlight. The chain of bells at your ankle carries the steady pulse that keeps the earth turning on its axis.

Dance your dance, Tirra. Bring sunrise, noon and dusk. Here at my desk, the fire of your dance makes a man of me. Infected with your music, my life is whole.

So, keep the dance alive. It echoes everywhere and keeps us all in tune.

26th June 1998

Dear Tirra,
Hold my hand as we cross the road. I'm worried by the whoosh of speeding cars.
Steer me through the passing pedestrians, I'd like to feel as though I'm going somewhere.
Come closer, so I can smell your hair, so my arm can weave around your waist.

Dear Tirra,
You glide along, basking in light. Poor me, I gape at you, disjointed and tumultuous.
Hold my hand, gliding Tirra, and bring me with you across this treacherous passage.
Come closer, so I can squeeze your ribs, matching my pace to yours.

Dear Tirra,
Let me stumble along beside you. After a while, I will catch your rhythm,
And we will move smoothly without bumping.

Dear Tirra,
Welcome me again, I hunger to be infected by you.

Dear Tirra,
I follow your sureness.

Tirra,
Dance with me along the milky way, leaving cars and pedestrians far behind.

Oh, tirra... weave a spell, close my eyes... paradise is here.

May 1998

Dear Tirra,

Turbulently miserable,
My skin grey, my eyes bagged,
I crawl through the day,
Nursing a half-headache --
Tightly enduring fact and action,
Disconnected from wishful purpose.

Breathe each breath to discover
A breath is just a breath;
All the colours are greyed;
Music is restless noise.

Ah, sweetness, are you far away?
If I call, will you come?
I turn my tired face
And wish you were close.
Just outside my skin.
So close, my sweetness, that
I reach for you and surround you.
Your light shining in me.

Come again, my sweetness,
To my elbow, to my ear.
Seep closer and inhabit me.
Let there be no difference between us.